Review: A piece of crap from H&M

I bought a piece of crap from H&M and brought it home and this is a review.

This piece of crap has buttons that fell off the minute I tried to fasten them, and stitches that unravelled from the pockets as soon as I dropped in my keys. Keep in mind, it’s brand new. I didn’t get it off a sale rack, or from a bin that had been pawed at and sweated over by hundreds of eager bargain shoppers. It was on a feature wall with all the other crap highlighting a new collection for Spring. It wasn’t even the first piece of crap on the rack, you know the one everyone touches for no goddamn reason and pushes aside as if the one behind or beside it will look different. No this piece of crap was securely tucked in with the other pieces of crap and looked like it hadn’t been touched since they hung it up.

The most salient identifying characteristic of this piece of crap, other than its almost unbelievable contempt for workmanship, is that it doesn’t coordinate with anything else I own. In fact, I’m pretty sure it would only look right when outfitted with other pieces of H&M crap, a sentiment all but confirmed by it being a colour of blue somewhere between “What” and “The Hell”. Of course, you can’t tell that when it’s amongst its brethren, looking perfectly normal and regularly coloured. It’s only when you get it outside and the oxygen hits it and you have a chance to view it against everyday, taken-from nature-colours that you realize something is horribly, horribly wrong with it. 

On top of that the “cotton” this piece of crap is woven from seems to have been designed to reject a body’s natural movement. It has a stiffness usually reserved for things that stop bullets. And based on the way it stretches across my shoulders and yet hangs well below my waist, I have to assume it was made to fit a model standing 6’4” and weighing roughly 120 pounds. 

I bought this piece of crap because I needed something like it, and H&M is in the market of providing things something like what you want, for less than what you think you want to pay. Their entire store is full of things something like what you’re looking for, close approximations for an amount of money slightly less than the price you had in mind. Don’t think this isn’t deliberate. 

So there you have it. I bought a piece of crap and, lo and behold, it remains a piece of crap. I didn’t really hope for any other result, so I guess in a way it’s completely met my expectations. Which is just sad.

Piece of crap from H&M: D-

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    Being an employee...company, this review makes me happy. SO many people often come into...
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